Thursday 6 November 2014

The Dream

I picked up my phone and decided to break the jinx. Having had a writer's block for a while now, I know it's time to break it. Life changing events sometimes causes us to loose interest in the things we love... oh well, here goes!!!

Struggling with myself; my legs barely carrying my weight, I realized I may have overdone this one. Gaining a lot of weight doesn't just affect ones physical wellness but also the psychological  and emotional well-being. 
Looking in the mirror was horrifying, I mean where did my flat tummy go? How come I was spotting some dark stretchmarks on my hips?! Was this even normal? Everyone looked at me now, walking into my office never felt more nerve-wracking. Now I understand how fat Albert must have felt.

Speaking with my therapist, I expressed with much pain in voice how upsetting the changes in my body were, how 'beautyless' I felt... He jolted me back to reality. "You are pregnant" he said, these changes are normal.

I woke up panting, covered in sweat. The room was really dark, thank God it was only a dream.
 Or was it? 

Tuesday 15 July 2014

BRUISED


It hurts! It really hurts!! I couldn’t remember being hit from our fight but somehow I had the worst body ache ever! My elbows were sore, my right cheek felt warm, my head was banging, and my eyes were burning.

Everything hurts.

As I lay in bed, I tried to cast my mind back to the night before? What happened? The evening had seemed so perfect; dinner was amazing. I remember the candles, the beautiful rose petals, the soft music, the wine, his soft fingers stroking me… it was perfect. He was such a romantic man regardless of our issues. His subtle brown eyes made me melt each time he looked at me; he was supposed to be the one, everyone said so.   

Nothing makes sense at this moment. I feel like I had been to Heaven but suddenly dropped thousands of miles down to Earth... It really hurts.

Flashes of him smacking me filled my mind… did this really happen? I tried to move, my waist had a mind of its own… it didn’t respond. A sharp pain shot up my back, jolting my memory. 

The night was planned to be perfect… six months of pain and joy, laughter and tears, pleasure and hurt. It was a roller-coaster! an adventure of my mind, my body and my soul. 

He had hit me many times before but none compares to this! Surely this man was destined to be my karma, for my many sins of fornication and rebellion.


I reached out to feel his side of the bed, nothing. I felt nothing too…this was God’s plan for me, I believed it was. He had sent me here to be disciplined, to learn the art of submission, to live the life of a virtuous woman – somehow I think I’d be dead before these lessons pay off.



Photo Courtesy of: http://mattemax.deviantart.com/gallery/ 
 

Monday 16 June 2014

WHISPERS!!!

Have you had moments where your head whispers something to you but your heart agrees with the exact opposite?

Below is the experience of one of the most talented/creative/girly writers I know. 

Enjoy!

Yes! She gave me an opportunity to do this…a time to share what whispered to me…Now how am I going to talk, whisper to you…? Stop! Shut up!! Just Stop! No! I’m going to talk back to you… Shhh! I’ve to ‘whisper’ what you ‘whispered’ to the ‘whisperer’

When I look back at that day, I wonder how I could have done that! So daft silly of me! Geezzzz!!! It was a long and hectic Friday at work and all I just wanted to do when I get home, was throw my bag on the floor and dive roll on that bed of mine. Just as I stepped out of the office building, singing happily in my head, my phone ‘Pung’ so many times. Well, curious to know who won’t allow me breathe this free fresh air I just inhaled, I scrolled to the message, lo and behold it was my close friend ‘goatie’ *That’s what I call her* She was actually buzzing trying to remind me that she was on her way to my house.

Choi! Today is today *Pardon my English* Look at me that was dreaming of sleeping away the whole night, with my pillow as DJ Skillz. It’s not that I wasn’t looking forward to seeing my goatie, but mhen, that’s loads of never-ending gist, giggles and you know…to catch up on *Yea I know, you’ll shake your head and say girls can gossip talk! Who cares?*

On getting home, she was already at the gate waiting for me! From our walk into the house till like nine pm, the gist had started in full swing. Only for her to tell me that we had a hang-out that night! *Oh someone help me! What?! My sleep!!!* I tried to convince my stubborn ‘goatie’ that I won’t go since I was extremely tired but she won’t hear any of that! Lest, I forget, she knows how to persuade people like a policeman collects bribe.

After agreeing to the Friday night gig and allowing me be boring while we were out, we got dressed and hopped into our her friend’s ride who was with his own friend. I tried to be nice, until my ‘goatie’ sent me a message to my BBM, *Yea! You know, we didn’t want them to hear Us* that she just met our  her so called friends this morning when he gave her a lift to her office bus-stop, that he was really nice. Gosh! I felt like giving her a hard knock, *How could she do that?* only for the dude to jolt me back to the present scene and say:

MR. ANONYNMOUS:  Sorry ladies! Hope you don’t mind if we stop at my house so I could pick up some more cash and change my clothes?
My friend murmured back a reply as we both exchanged glances
GOATIE:  Ernnn! Ok

All of a sudden the speed of the car increased as I kept wondering if the ‘OK’ had made this guy, whose name I never got to know roar. I kept looking out of the window for familiar landmarks as I realized we were already driving into Magodo. Only for our her dear friend to turn the car to a darkly lit road, my heartbeat started pounding, ‘invisible yam’ before I knew what was happening, he was driving into a kind of uncompleted fence hiding a house that revealed some rugged guys smoking in chain circles.


Before we could even get a full view of what lay inside that building my friend goatie and I opened the still moving car door, jumped and ran out for our dear lives. Like we both had the same thought flash through our minds, the same voice whisper to us, we ran like a mad man was on our heels, like we were in a race and we had reached the finish line but just couldn’t stop running.

We found ourselves at the bus-stop and tried to catch our breaths as I figured out what next to do…Not like we even had enough money to take us home at eleven thirty pm. With shaking hands, I scrolled through the numbers on my phone as ‘goatie’ was still looking around us in fear and dialed a trusted friend who lives in Magodo *Ehen! I know you’ll say more trouble* who said he *Yes! He!!!* will be with us shortly.

In less than thirty minutes, ‘Superman’ came to our rescue and whisked us off to his house. Despite his look at the two of us in our skimpy dresses, he never asked any questions *Phew!* and I don’t think I will have given him a truthful answer either. I could hardly sleep that morning but kept slapping myself for not listening to my instinct ‘whisperer’.  As for ‘goatie’, I had no words for her but I really don’t want to question the ’What-if’ but simply go on my knees and thank God.

Over time, through life’s journey we go through times where we may not want to do something and our INSTINCT whispers to us with all sincerity, please listen to IT because that could always be the truth talking to you. Sometimes you don’t have to question it because it’s you talking to YOU!

Before I take a humble bow, thanks to Mo for giving me a chance to share my experience. *Muah!* You all, have a fab week and if the whisperer whispers to YOU, sure do the right thing!


*Flips hair and walks away dragging ‘MY WHISPERER’




Monday 9 June 2014

MY SMILE


I am really excited to share this story with you. It is very recent with snippets of this morning’s drive embedded! 

It is the tale of my SMILE J.



So for a while now I have driven this really flashy (yellow) car all around Lagos with the plate number SMILE J. Oh Lawd! I got too much attention from everyone from the Yellow fever guys screaming ‘SMILE!’ to the Okada (Bike) riders saying ‘sister SMILE Jna’ to young guys trying to be sharp – I do not understand why they all think that can start off a conversation in traffic! Anyway, let’s just say I have made quite an impression over the past months. 
Frankly in the beginning it felt nice getting to the office and having practically over twenty security guys calling me SMILEJ, having bus drivers say ‘SMILE for Jesus’, having the police stop me only to scream SMILEJ! Chai! it got a bit too much o. It is really funny the impact such a little item can cause. 

I used to see Lagosians differently… I mean, we were all angry drivers hustling to get somewhere but having people (both literate and illiterate)  take time out of their ‘hustle waka’ to grin wide and smile really changed my perspective. Truly, everyone just wants to be happy isn’t it? ‘In pursuit of Happiness right?' Amidst the economy, the scorching sun, the chaos of Lagos roads… it really got me.

Anyway, I recently changed my plate number - an Olori (Queen) doesn’t need that kinda attention as I have way too much of that already hehe! But yes, I took that bold step and got it changed and you know what? No one wants to forget my SMILEJ! On my way to work this morning, I saw a police man who to took time out  to yell ‘SMILEJ’ once he saw my car! Of course I put on my best smile and wove back! Why am I excited? I had made an imprint on him! The same thing happened with two random (I do not know them AT ALL) guys very close to my office… one actually said ‘my smile’ I’m like ‘WHAT th*&*%^?! while the other dude noticed and shouted ‘smile kilode?! I know that all the security guys will still call me that beautiful word SMILE!


Why am I sharing this? Experiencing this has taught me that little things really do go a long way. Do not wait for the perfect moment, the perfect gift or the perfect person, just go ahead and make someone happy and...

Wednesday 28 May 2014

BIRTHDAY POST!




So it was my birthday on Monday the 26th of May 2014! I think I really am a birthday fanatic; I countdown from the month before, buy a new outfit for the day (mom pays), change my hairstyle, change my nail polish, reflect on the previous year, renew my dreams for the year ahead, announce the date to anyone who cares to listen, solicit for gifts, *phew* the list is endless! I wake up feeling like a brand new Barbie – The beautiful Blond Gold Barbie; you forget to call, you are cut off! Anyway, I bet you get the point… I am a Birthday Freak! 


Somehow, I think I am outgrowing it because this year was different, I guess I was more nervous than excited. The reality of adulthood had set in; first birthday in marriage, first birthday as a Mrs… , first birthday as a wife, first birthday as…………. Responsible! 
Geez… I’m not sure if you feel me but mehn it was scary, it didn’t feel the same! 
I could not plan a night out with my friends – this felt like a crime, I could not harass my mom for gifts like I used to (although I still got what I really really wanted from her J) but yea, it just felt weird, but the worst part was me considering cooking my birthday dinner (the horror!!!!). 

Okay, seriously it was not a bad day; I enjoyed myself even though Monday tried to play its 'serious' games with me.  I learned that once a year is not enough to celebrate ME, not enough to feel special, not enough to let go of all my worries, not enough to feel blessed.

Everyday is a gift which brings with it endless surprises and opportunities and that alone is a reason to celebrate. 
The past year brought me many blessings, I was given a brand new life! can you believe that? 
Strolling down the path of loneliness - I really was tired of the many 'toasters' that remained nothing but that and it made me realize I needed more. So I decided just after my birthday (last year) to cut off all 'unholy' associations and move on. 
One relationship was especially hard to let go of! Ladies, you know those guys that just play the boyfriend role without exactly having any intention of being 'the one' and you just keep falling deeper and deeper till you wake up one morning, many years after and realize he was 'the one' for another woman?? Yea, that was really hard to let go of!

A year after so much drama, a lot has changed and I have been blessed with my 'the one' and so much more! Looking back, I cannot be anything but thankful because no matter how much some experiences sucked, it feels great to have come out and come out strong!

So here's to many more years for me, I am glad I am on this journey and I am sooo excited about the years to come! Many thanks to my darling husband, my mom, all my family and friends! Let's make this new year even more remarkable than the last!

Friday 23 May 2014

Her ‘Maami’




1:40 pm Sunday 18th May, 2014. My heart raced as I heard a frantic voice on the other end of the call. She was crying, struggling to find words to express herself… “Dupe, ‘Maami’ is dead… my mom is dead” I went blank because it made no sense.
            
8:00 am Monday 12th April 2010. Shaking from nervousness; my first day of work was going to be great! Never had I once considered working in an Ad agency but this was a gift that life gave to me and I was happy to explore. I never wanted to have to put on those horrid long-sleeved shirts and pants and look perfectly polished from head to toe like my friends who worked in Banks.
 I walked into the reception to see TEN Youth Corpers waiting to be attended to! Like seriously?? TEN?! I can’t say I wanted to be the only one or anything like that but seeing ten other individuals in the same position as I was, just put me off. Of course this changed after spending some time with them as I recall that those were the best months of my life so far! Everyone had a different personality; we were all from very different backgrounds and tribe.

One of them stood out, she was really different.. She seemed reserved but didn’t act it; she was very outgoing and very assertive. It made me feel quite uncomfortable at first because I was the kind of girl that was quite reserved and diplomatic. Our friendship was a very dynamic one as we had to compete at the office but still found a common ground where we could bond and relate no matter what. Often times I expressed how thankful I was to have a friend like her as I got through many dark periods with her by my side. Don’t get it twisted though, we did have crazy fights that sometimes ended in tears and hurtful words but yea, we still have a connection.

Someone was responsible for this beautiful soul sister of mine and that was her strong, loving and endearing ‘Maami’. All her friends knew ‘Maami’ so well - physically and mostly from the sweet hilarious stories my friend told. Those two were inseparable! We often made fun of my friend that ‘Maami’ was like her husband because she loved her in ways that we could not phantom. Their relationship made me realize and appreciate how deep the connection between a mother-child really is…

 It saddens my heart to know that her sweet ‘Maami’ has gone to rest although I know that she is with Lord as she was a faithful servant and daughter of the Most High till the end. She sacrificed her life for her children and anyone who needed her, she was a virtuous wife and mother, a leader and an example. In death, she touched even more lives...

The pain I have seen my friend and her family go through is inexpressible but I know that she will survive this, ‘Maami’ taught her well.
 

Friday 2 May 2014

Life after Death


I lost someone once, someone really dear to my heart. I remember always saying I wanted to stop going for funerals because I had been to way too many! Aunties, uncles, friends, colleagues, you name it. Too many people die every day!

I remember the service of songs; they were the gloomiest 60 minutes of my life. Those songs gave you a taste of death. Sometimes, during the songs, I’d picture the dead person watching us with deep pain in their eyes knowing that they would never speak or hold their loved ones again. Consider me creepy but we all have our crazy imaginations. Often times, I couldn’t go to the bathroom alone after such experiences. For some weird reason, my mind would conjure up their faces and I basically had my very own horror movie playing in my head!

This experience was different; I never made the funeral, I never witnessed the service of songs, I never got to say good bye. The pain of my loss was so deep, I could hardly breathe. Many nights I laid in bed weeping with my hands holding my chest wishing I could rip it out. That way, the pain would have no hold on me. Getting out of my misery seemed impossible, how could I ever forget this level of regret and hate for the world? Surely my life had come to an end, I was alive but merely breathing. Nothing could console me, I had lost the one and only person that meant the most to me and that reality was one my heart could not accept.


Have you been there? Made choices that took everything from you? Dated someone who took your worth? Lost someone who you realized you did not want to live without? Well I am quite familiar with that place and it sucks! I never want to go back. Many months went by and I seemed stuck with no hope of release... but all that changed in one day. The day I made a choice to move on regardless of the darkness; I chose to see a light ahead, though quite dim, I followed it. The light led me out of the lost, gloomy cave; my broken heart and spirit received healing. 

That light is called Faith. Faith in something bigger than the problem, Faith in something stronger than me, Faith that shows you the positive angle to the pain, Faith that proves that there is life after death. 

Picking up the pieces of my mind was not easy but I did not bother trying with my own strength, I placed my belief in something much greater than my whole life and that is how I got out. A year after, I look back and I am indeed thankful. Death does not occur only when we breathe our last breath, it happens to the best of us if we let it. 

The choice is yours.

Tuesday 22 April 2014

Thankful!



Days have gone by and I can’t seem to come up with anything. It made me wonder if I was holding back or I just have a lot on my mind.

In order not to go nuts, I decided to write anyway and make this a thanksgiving post! As I heard from one of my favorite people, it heals the mind. So here goes…

I am thankful for the following in no particular order: life, love, family, jobs, the Church, all the people that have come my way, the joys and stress life brings, the tears, heart breaks, laughs, the losses and gains. For dreams, hope, TV shows / movies, computers, cell phones, technology, Scandal (the series), creativity, airplanes, teddy bears, water, colors, shoes, clothes, calories, chocolates, food.  

For the skies, clouds, rain, sun, moon, stars, AIR, sand, rocks, NEPA, pillows, beds, sleep, kisses, hugs, the color PINK, friends, paintings, mirrors, Christmas, Holidays, books, music, languages, children, comedy, bras, boxers, cotton buds, lip gloss, fake eyelashes, tooth brush and paste, bath time, tea, snacks, soaps, magi, salt, sugar, (bread, beans, baked beans, eggs, plantain), air-conditioners, smiles, frowns, DVDs, I-pads, Super Mario, umbrellas, tables, chairs, tooth picks, cinemas, bubble gum! Okay! *breathless* I have to stop before some of you think I am jobless or crazy because honestly I can go on and on!



You have to indulge me for one more important mention though... special thanks goes out to the Don, the King, the A-Z of my world, He is known as the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end, the one who died and rose again all for my sake, my maker, God almighty. 
He gave me a new song, re-wrote my story, broke protocols to bless me, takes pleasure in giving me joy, loves me unconditionally and gives me hope for a blessed future.
I don't know about you but being a Christian is everything I can ever dream of and for this, I am most thankful!


Thursday 10 April 2014

There is more


Four years. FOUR years?! My reaction when I realized I had been working here for Four years was quite alarming. Suddenly it felt like I was drowning, like I had two big fat hands around my neck, as if this was the end! Somehow the realization of my forth year anniversary in this company made me feel locked up, like I was not moving. But this was good right? Being stable is good. I mean this basically means I am loyal, patient… there are many different ways to see this positively but somehow I had a sickening feeling. What if I woke up 25 years from now and I still worked here?!!! NOOOO! Don’t get me wrong working here has been one of the greatest blessings (curse too) lol. 
Being fresh in the corporate world, I needed an avenue to learn, to grow, to do something worthwhile, to add value... Well, I got that opportunity here. Managing major brands, handling events, being exposed to the production of TV commercials just blew me! 

My first two years was what I will classify as dynamic! I enjoyed every second of it. The power that came with being a manager is inexpressible. So what changed? Did I outgrow it? Was the business changing? Or do I just believe there is more?

As I pondered on this, my mind drifted to my very first job interview. Fresh from Uni, awaiting NYSC, very gingered to serve (make money), still in a world of fantasies! I remember walking into the building on Johnson’s Crescent, suspecting all that was in view. The windows were way too tinted for comfort, the compound was hidden by trees, hardly was anyone in sight, this place was just plain creepy! The only thing that gave me a little bit of confidence was the sight of my Uni boyfriend a few meters behind, cheering me on and supportive as always.
Reality hit hard, I was walking in the shoes of an adult! Funny how I fought many years to be treated like one but I wasn’t so sure I wanted it anymore. Adulthood came too fast!! I remember reminiscing  about the good old days (while waiting to be called) when I could get out of bed and decide whether to go for a class or not, request for pocket money from my family, have sleep-overs, throw tantrums when I wanted something new, barbecue parties, the December homecoming parties for friends abroad(I secretly hated these), you name it! Somehow I wished I had been a bit more serious in school, gotten a holiday job in between or something, surely that would have made me a tad bit more confident! 
FYI, the interview was a flop! The guy almost threw me out of his office believing I had come to mess with his mind or maybe I was just plain stupid – who knows??
I was ‘scarred’ for life. Thank God I did not need to be interviewed for NYSC, surely they would have exempted me and sentenced me to a life of a destitute! It was bad!! **Okay enough of the sad part**

I got through camp and needed a place to work (I had to redeploy from Abia state by the way, which meant I had to look for a company in Lagos to take me in, which meant I was going to get INTERVIEWED!). I must have lost a lot of weight that period not only from the fear that nagged me all day and also kept me awake at night but also from fasting till 12noon everyday (I hated fasting). I needed a miracle!
Finally, I cajoled one of my uncles to help out and I got the contact of the Managing Director of this company and secured an appointment. 
I bet it took all the nerves in my system to keep me alive and sane that morning. With sweaty palms and shaky legs I walked into the reception 30 minutes early, reading Psalms and trying to speak in tongues (I made sure I learnt how to twist my tongue that period, made me feel closer to God).
I was ushered into a corner office with a great view of the mainland express way, somehow this office made me feel warm. The next hour went by like it was five minutes. I mean this man was an Angel! He listened to every word I said like I made sense and explored various ‘hidden talents’ I never knew I had!!
Bottom line is he gave me an opportunity! This was both awesome and scary, kinda like those episodes of ‘Touched by an Angel’ where a human has a divine encounter! Okay I might be getting a bit too dramatic on this one.



The point is I got a second chance and I believe everyone deserves one; you may have flopped a couple of times but that’s not enough reason to stay beaten. There is MORE! I would never have thought I could achieve all that I have in the past four years but for the man that gave me another chance. Trust me; I was a real novice with zero knowledge of the world outside of the walls of my Uni. I thought I was useless until someone gave me a chance to explore my worth… Who can relate? 
The Bible says about Jesus ‘the stone that the builders rejected has become the cornerstone’ Bible Ref: Ps118:22 NLT; therefore, give yourself a break, believe in yourself and take another shot at what you want to achieve.


With regards to my present emotional situation, I have not taken my gift for granted neither am I ungrateful. I just know that it is time to do / achieve more. I will keep you posted on what happens next!

Please share your thoughts

Monday 7 April 2014

All that matters...


So the weekend was far more eventful than I planned. Waking up on Saturday morning, the bliss that comes with waking up beside my husband, the joy that fills the air knowing I have two whole days out of the office, the sound of children playing on the streets and of course the hawkers – bread, ogi, (you name it). Yay!! Saturday!!!

Having my mother-in-law visit for the first time made me a bit nervous, I felt everything had to be perfect; squeaky clean floors, windows, bathrooms and toilets. The idea of her coming to our house and having a meal scared the hell out of me; I mean who can compete with the world’s best cook (well 2nd best! My mom is number one) but thank God for all those years of having to help out in the kitchen. Judgment day had come! I figured I’d make the most unexpected meal, the exquisite, delicious (my favorite for life) beans porridge and plantain.

Having shuttled between the kitchen and house-cleaning for about three hours, I was ready to drop onto the sofa for a short nap. That wasn’t going to happen as I heard the familiar horn just outside the gate! Jumping up while getting rid of all forms of clothing on me, I jumped into the bathroom to make myself look a little bit presentable rather than scare off the poor woman with my awfully sweaty and smelly body.
That’s how I came out o to see my husband and his mother carrying a boot-load of food stuff as gifts for me! (well us).

 I’m not sure which made me weak, her kindness or the reality that there was more work to be done! She barely sat for five minutes before rushing into the kitchen to prepare fruit salad for us which I gladly downed within minutes while catching up on the week’s activities. We cooked, we laughed, we talked, we played and for a few hours; my world was one without pain, hurt, or any of those negative feelings.

I can go on writing about our escapades from that day but the point is, family is one of the best gifts God has blessed mankind with. I have been through so much in my past to know that without a support system, there was no way I would have made it out sane.

I recall sometime; not so long ago when I was really sick and had to stay in the hospital for a while, I figure I was the most popular patient as the nurses got tired of sending out my mom, sister, aunties, cousins and friends because I needed rest – well so they said.

My first post is dedicated to those who have made life worth living... I hope you are not tired of me yet!