Wednesday, 28 May 2014


So it was my birthday on Monday the 26th of May 2014! I think I really am a birthday fanatic; I countdown from the month before, buy a new outfit for the day (mom pays), change my hairstyle, change my nail polish, reflect on the previous year, renew my dreams for the year ahead, announce the date to anyone who cares to listen, solicit for gifts, *phew* the list is endless! I wake up feeling like a brand new Barbie – The beautiful Blond Gold Barbie; you forget to call, you are cut off! Anyway, I bet you get the point… I am a Birthday Freak! 

Somehow, I think I am outgrowing it because this year was different, I guess I was more nervous than excited. The reality of adulthood had set in; first birthday in marriage, first birthday as a Mrs… , first birthday as a wife, first birthday as…………. Responsible! 
Geez… I’m not sure if you feel me but mehn it was scary, it didn’t feel the same! 
I could not plan a night out with my friends – this felt like a crime, I could not harass my mom for gifts like I used to (although I still got what I really really wanted from her J) but yea, it just felt weird, but the worst part was me considering cooking my birthday dinner (the horror!!!!). 

Okay, seriously it was not a bad day; I enjoyed myself even though Monday tried to play its 'serious' games with me.  I learned that once a year is not enough to celebrate ME, not enough to feel special, not enough to let go of all my worries, not enough to feel blessed.

Everyday is a gift which brings with it endless surprises and opportunities and that alone is a reason to celebrate. 
The past year brought me many blessings, I was given a brand new life! can you believe that? 
Strolling down the path of loneliness - I really was tired of the many 'toasters' that remained nothing but that and it made me realize I needed more. So I decided just after my birthday (last year) to cut off all 'unholy' associations and move on. 
One relationship was especially hard to let go of! Ladies, you know those guys that just play the boyfriend role without exactly having any intention of being 'the one' and you just keep falling deeper and deeper till you wake up one morning, many years after and realize he was 'the one' for another woman?? Yea, that was really hard to let go of!

A year after so much drama, a lot has changed and I have been blessed with my 'the one' and so much more! Looking back, I cannot be anything but thankful because no matter how much some experiences sucked, it feels great to have come out and come out strong!

So here's to many more years for me, I am glad I am on this journey and I am sooo excited about the years to come! Many thanks to my darling husband, my mom, all my family and friends! Let's make this new year even more remarkable than the last!

Friday, 23 May 2014

Her ‘Maami’

1:40 pm Sunday 18th May, 2014. My heart raced as I heard a frantic voice on the other end of the call. She was crying, struggling to find words to express herself… “Dupe, ‘Maami’ is dead… my mom is dead” I went blank because it made no sense.
8:00 am Monday 12th April 2010. Shaking from nervousness; my first day of work was going to be great! Never had I once considered working in an Ad agency but this was a gift that life gave to me and I was happy to explore. I never wanted to have to put on those horrid long-sleeved shirts and pants and look perfectly polished from head to toe like my friends who worked in Banks.
 I walked into the reception to see TEN Youth Corpers waiting to be attended to! Like seriously?? TEN?! I can’t say I wanted to be the only one or anything like that but seeing ten other individuals in the same position as I was, just put me off. Of course this changed after spending some time with them as I recall that those were the best months of my life so far! Everyone had a different personality; we were all from very different backgrounds and tribe.

One of them stood out, she was really different.. She seemed reserved but didn’t act it; she was very outgoing and very assertive. It made me feel quite uncomfortable at first because I was the kind of girl that was quite reserved and diplomatic. Our friendship was a very dynamic one as we had to compete at the office but still found a common ground where we could bond and relate no matter what. Often times I expressed how thankful I was to have a friend like her as I got through many dark periods with her by my side. Don’t get it twisted though, we did have crazy fights that sometimes ended in tears and hurtful words but yea, we still have a connection.

Someone was responsible for this beautiful soul sister of mine and that was her strong, loving and endearing ‘Maami’. All her friends knew ‘Maami’ so well - physically and mostly from the sweet hilarious stories my friend told. Those two were inseparable! We often made fun of my friend that ‘Maami’ was like her husband because she loved her in ways that we could not phantom. Their relationship made me realize and appreciate how deep the connection between a mother-child really is…

 It saddens my heart to know that her sweet ‘Maami’ has gone to rest although I know that she is with Lord as she was a faithful servant and daughter of the Most High till the end. She sacrificed her life for her children and anyone who needed her, she was a virtuous wife and mother, a leader and an example. In death, she touched even more lives...

The pain I have seen my friend and her family go through is inexpressible but I know that she will survive this, ‘Maami’ taught her well.

Friday, 2 May 2014

Life after Death

I lost someone once, someone really dear to my heart. I remember always saying I wanted to stop going for funerals because I had been to way too many! Aunties, uncles, friends, colleagues, you name it. Too many people die every day!

I remember the service of songs; they were the gloomiest 60 minutes of my life. Those songs gave you a taste of death. Sometimes, during the songs, I’d picture the dead person watching us with deep pain in their eyes knowing that they would never speak or hold their loved ones again. Consider me creepy but we all have our crazy imaginations. Often times, I couldn’t go to the bathroom alone after such experiences. For some weird reason, my mind would conjure up their faces and I basically had my very own horror movie playing in my head!

This experience was different; I never made the funeral, I never witnessed the service of songs, I never got to say good bye. The pain of my loss was so deep, I could hardly breathe. Many nights I laid in bed weeping with my hands holding my chest wishing I could rip it out. That way, the pain would have no hold on me. Getting out of my misery seemed impossible, how could I ever forget this level of regret and hate for the world? Surely my life had come to an end, I was alive but merely breathing. Nothing could console me, I had lost the one and only person that meant the most to me and that reality was one my heart could not accept.

Have you been there? Made choices that took everything from you? Dated someone who took your worth? Lost someone who you realized you did not want to live without? Well I am quite familiar with that place and it sucks! I never want to go back. Many months went by and I seemed stuck with no hope of release... but all that changed in one day. The day I made a choice to move on regardless of the darkness; I chose to see a light ahead, though quite dim, I followed it. The light led me out of the lost, gloomy cave; my broken heart and spirit received healing. 

That light is called Faith. Faith in something bigger than the problem, Faith in something stronger than me, Faith that shows you the positive angle to the pain, Faith that proves that there is life after death. 

Picking up the pieces of my mind was not easy but I did not bother trying with my own strength, I placed my belief in something much greater than my whole life and that is how I got out. A year after, I look back and I am indeed thankful. Death does not occur only when we breathe our last breath, it happens to the best of us if we let it. 

The choice is yours.